I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I have aggressive nipples.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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