ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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