I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
