we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Randomize
