Where did you get a picture of my penis
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Randomize