im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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