I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
