Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
