is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize