She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
