garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
