we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
he was CRYING into my vagina
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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