hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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