So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
