I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I lost the right to judge tonight
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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