There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
