I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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