I just cut my nipple shaving
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
