im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize