I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
