Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
