he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
