My sheets look like a crime scene.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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