At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
