That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
