Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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