what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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