Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
All I want is dick and wine.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
dude. I can hear the air.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize