I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
