So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
