somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
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