This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
