There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
