Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
