Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize