Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
you win again, gameday.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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