Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Randomize
