I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
