I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
