If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
