Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
