and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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