The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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