This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
