I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
