Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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