Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
