I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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