and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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