tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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