Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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