How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize