My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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