I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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