Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Randomize
