Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize