i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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