so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
