she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize