HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
