it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
