my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
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