sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
