Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
