Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
