is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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