He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Randomize
