Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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