I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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