Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
