do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize