So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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