I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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