Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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