You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize