I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I'm at about main and main street
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Randomize
