people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
