I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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