Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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