Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
