the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
we should paint friendship bongs
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize