sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Are we still banned from the library?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
