So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
i think my cat just said my name.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
