i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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