Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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