dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Randomize
