The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
