STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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